Mental Attraction

I think I just figured something out. I think I know why I've been having trouble being committed in relationships. Crap!...having a steady relationship for that matter.
This past year I have been making an effort to slow down on the dating scene and for the most part it's been working. I really haven't been on a real date in quite some time and I'll tell you it sux. I still go out with girls from time to time, but I always walk away at the end of the night with a pretty empty feeling that doesn't really make me want to pursue anything.
Well, I think I know why now. For the most part, I've always look for some sort of chemistry between me and the girl whether it's just looks or flirting. What never satisfies me is the lack of mental stimulation. You hear all the time about physical attraction or emotional attraction. I think for me...what attracts me the most is the ability to connect mentally (not in an insane way...I'm not that crazy). Sure, physical attraction is important but I know that looks will come and go. There's not many girls today that I can connect with mentally. They're always talking about things that don't matter, like shopping or how they don't look good with certain clothes...blah blah blah. I have yet to meet a girl that can challenge me mentally. One that will talk with me about the world, about nature, about making a difference in the world. That's what I need.
I have a female friend who I'm completely physically attracted to. We have many many things in common as well. Many friends have seen us together and they all think that we're an item when we're really not. We are just that flirtatous with each other. My buddy insists that we have more going on and that I'm not spilling the beans. Truthfully, we don't have more going on. We're just friends who happen to be physically attracted to each other. We just happen to show that in public (in which I'm not a fan of public display of affection). My other friend still does not see why we don't date. I think I have not pursued anything is because I still feel that we lack emotional attraction and now mental attraction. All we ever seem to do is hold on to each other and tease each other. But when it comes to holding a conversation...I can't even remember having a real conversation with her. It's always been hi and goodbye. Just lots of hugging and squeezing in between...hahaha. Sure, I'm not complaining about that part. What guy would? I'm just trying to make a point that I need more than just physical attraction. And I think that just occurred to me.
Crap!!!...I've been wasting all these years with clueless girls trying to find someone I could get along with when all I needed is a girl who can stimulate my mind.

The Most Hated Person

There's this guy that used to be in my group that just recently transfered out to join another group. I knew him from the college days, but never was cool with him cuz he always seems to be in his own world. He'd never really chilled with anyone. He'd just go to class and then go home. Well, anyhow...I basically introduced him to the job since he had already failed 3 interviews with the company. I put in a lot of good words for him with my engineer and so he pushed to hire this guy. Well, this is a mistake I will learn from and never make again. I try to do a good deed and it blows up in my face.
This guys turns out to be the biggest azzhole I know. I've never hated someone as much as I hate this guy. All the people I hate still would not add up to how much I hate this guy. Not only does he lack personality, but he also lacks any sense of loyalty and heart.
This past week, we've held two parties for my boss, his former boss, and he was nowhere to be found. He was invited...just didn't bother to show up to any of the parties. Whatever his reason is for not coming, I don't care. I just know that he had the opportunities to do so and didn't bother. It just solidifies my hatred for him.
He never wants to help anybody at work unless the person is of some sort of higher management. You can't even ask this fool a question. If you do, he'll just answer you in a tone as if he's talking to a lil child. He'll be all loud and very short and brief with his reply. To make it worse...he's freakin Chinese. As if I didn't already have issues with asian ppl, he keeps me hating my kind even more.
I think I better stop talking about this guy before I completely hate my kind. There's still a small opening in my heart for my kind, a very small opening.

Farewell To The Boss

For the past 2 weeks or so I have been compiling pictures to make a video slideshow as a farewell tribute for my boss. He's actually the section manager of my group. A wonderful man he is. So after many many mistakes between myself and Carlos (my sidekick on this project), we finally got it right just in time for our group party last night that took place at the Time Square Entertainment Center off of 99 and I-10.
We had previously shown the video in an earlier group party of ours, but we had since added to the video to soften up the mood. I was director and editor of this video and with my inital ended, it ended on a very sad note and from the reaction of the previous viewing, Carlos decided to add to the video an ending credit. I thought it was great! The idea made it look just like a real movie. He listed the director, editor, cast (being the team members throughout the years), and Spider production (Carlos thought it was funny to add this since I'm such a huge Spiderman fan) and then ended with a video of a cannon going off. After the viewing of this during last night's party, the reaction was great! Everyone was laughing their azzez off! The video was really good. We presented the video to our boss as a gift to remember us. I even did the artwork for the dvd case. It was really good and many people say it really looks professional and like a real movie.
I really put a lot of sweat into this project. It could have been something simple and cheesy, but that's not how I want my boss to go out. I thought he deserved a great video to tribute him and the group so I put a lot of thought behind everything I did. I spent countless of hours on this. I can't believe it.
But I thought the video was a success. Each scene was done with careful considerations. I wanted certain reactions during each scene and I pretty got it from everyone. Especially the ending before the credits. It was probably the best work have done (in terms of video). I never really did a video before in my life, so from everyone's reaction last night, I know that Carlos and I did a really good job with it.

High School Reunion

Sometime last week an old buddy from high school called me up to ask if I knew about the 10 year high school reunion. I remembered receiving some email from a girl about it, but I didn’t realize it was coming this July. Well, he updated me with the info, but I really didn’t care to hear it. I was against going to these school event things anyways. It’s just a way for the school to make money. It seems that before my buddy called me, he was talking to another buddy from the days and they betted that I wouldn’t be going since I didn’t even go to prom. Looks like they both won the bet since they both guessed that I wouldn’t be interested. Well, he attempted to convince me to attend, but I wasn’t budging.
I’m not sure if I have any real good reasons for not going. If anything…prom is what I should have gone to. But I was stupid. I turned down about 3 girls, but it was 1 that I really regretted. A very close friend of mine had asked me to be her date for prom…and I wanted to be, but I also wanted to be more than just friends. Because of my fears of losing our friendship…I turned her down and pretty much threw away any chances I may have had to hook up with her. It was one of those situations that I feared most. I’ve seen it too many times where friends hook up and then they break up without ever being friends again. Well, I didn’t want that to happen b/w me and her so I decided to just leave things alone.
Well, getting back to the reunion. I just have nothing to go back for. I’m living for the present and future. I really don’t like to live in the past so going to this reunion would be like doing so. Plus…I think ppl just go back to show off how well they’re doing, or how beautiful they’ve become. I think it’s all for vein reasons. I know most ppl don’t go back for those reasons and that they go back for pure reasons like to see how good old friends are doing. But that’s where my fault lies. I don’t have any old good friends to see. If they were friends…they would have already been in my life up to now. I’m not interested in going back to let everyone know how successful I’ve become. I’d rather keep that to myself. I don’t want to go back to get acceptance from ppl. I only need the acceptance of those that are already an influence in my life. And I don’t want to go back to see old backstabbing friends. That’s probably my biggest selling point. I had shitty friends going through high school. I want to leave them back in high school where I thought I left them. I certainly didn’t want them in my life then…and certainly don’t want them in my life now. Although…it would be nice to rub my success in their faces. But nah…I’m not like that. I’ve grown out of being that immature kid that I once was.