Distancing Myself

I've learned that ppl come and go, but never knew that the phrase can also refer to friends. Seems like that's the story of my life. This year has been a lil bit of a difficult year for me. I've been really stressed out with work, irritated with some ppl around me, and I've been pushing ppl away. Seems like my only friend these days is me. I think the older I'm getting, the more I realize how hateful ppl really are...and that's not something I want to surround myself with. I'm too positive to be around someone with a bad aura or bad karma. I've slowly distanced myself from my cousin, my friend Lily, Jason, and probably other ppl that I don't even bother to think of. Of course there's other friends that I've cut the string on, but every now and then they come swinging back. I'm not hateful so I'll at least say hello, but I try to keep our conversations to a minimum. I even question some of the ppl I call friends today. Can you believe, but one "friend" came to visit me in my lab for the first time in the 3 years we've known each other from work...and said to me that he was only visiting cuz he now believes that I'm more important cuz I'm being sent to Paris. That's BS! Screw you if you're only visiting me cuz you think I'm a big shot now. Screw you! You can take your fat azz out of my office. Let me show you the door! Gosh...I was pissed when he said that. He might have been kidding, but the facts don't add up to that. I really was mad at that comment. I wasn't good enough before for him to visit? He's been in my building many times and never visited until now. And of course he still can't get over the fact that I've had 2 outstanding performance ratings. And I still can't believe Donny told this to him. I'm still mad at him for that. I really don't like to brag about myself unless it has to do with sports. I really don't take compliments about myself well. Don't talk about my work performances. It's nobody's business but mines. I would tell the world how great I perform only if everyone were to be happy for me. But the truth is...ppl are petty and jealous, so why bother? Nobody will be happy for you. I know this for a fact!
Anyhow...I feel like pulling away from everyone these days. I can't even tell my friends that I'm going to Paris cuz I know what their reactions will be. In fact...I've told a few and I saw exactly the reaction I expected. They give me that fake, "O I'm so happy for you" crap reaction....when I know they're thinking inside..."bastard". That's why I've been pulling myself away. There's just no need for friends when I can't share anything good with them.